My critic can be loud and obnoxious or a sinister, insidious worm eating at me from the middle of my brain … why are you doing that? You can’t (fill in the blank) … that looks (fill in the blank) … that sounds (fill in the blank) … you can never (fill in the blank). That critic has my own voice (imagine that!) and often puts the kibosh on a project before it even begins to become the egg, let alone get far enough along to hatch.
Over the years I’ve tried different techniques to silence that critic … I don’t want to say ‘my’ because then I have to own that stupid voice in my head. Ignoring only works so long and talking to it get me no where, but what has worked is just (forgive me Nike) but Just Doing It, Just Do what I do and let the creative outcome be what it is without judgement or comparison. (not often successful but I try)
I have to work hard not to listen to that voice … and just do what I do when I ‘create’ … I believe I’ve already covered the fact that I have no patience to be a Rembrandt, Mozart, Pollock or Austin, but I do have an innate desire to ‘create’. To Do. To continue to Grow, Learn, Experience, and Live!
About 10 years ago I read (and did) The Artist’s Way (A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity) by Julia Cameron and I found myself weeding and watering those places in my heart and life that I had let go to seed, or which were so drought ridden nothing could grow. Though I have a life full, full of love and joy and I can be ‘busy’ , very busy there is a question in that Though. In quiet moments thoughts drift in, around, and through my brain and often with this theme … I don’t want to wither … I get it that I’m not young in body, but my mind and spirit are chomping as ferociously as they did when I was young in body. I think there is something I need to do … I just don’t know what.
So in the vein of not withering and looking for that something … I am embarking on another journey with Julia Cameron It’s Never to Late to Begin Again:Discovering Creativity and Meaning at Midlife and Beyond. I’ve just ordered it from Amazon (I actually purchased a paperback … it was 3$ less than a kindle copy & shipped free with prime) … which boggled my mind for a bit.
I will be reading & doing the book chapter by chapter, activity by activity, and by doing so I anticipate finding how I shall avoid withering. After all Laura Ingalls Wilder didn’t write Little House in the Big Woods until she was 64 and see how many she wrote after that. And what about Grandma Moses? She didn’t begin painting until she was 80 years old … and I have 2 decades before then … lots of time to find and do what it is that I am supposed to do.
Now that I’ve told y’all my intentions … hold me accountable to finish what I start (the book should show up in a few days) … and help me stifle, muzzle, duct tape, tie in a bag and toss in the trash that stupid critic who wants to derail me.
Here’s to Tomorrow and Not Withering!!