Week 2 of retirement … my plans to ski ‘a lot’ have been slowed by the lack of snow; snow which is now worn out and ragged fraught with land mines: pine cones and needles, dirt and rocks. Even abandoning the alpine boards for the cross-country nordic track has not lessened the danger, face plants are ever lurking. Which means I am filling my time organizing my life, readying for this next phase beyond working for pay; clearing junk drawers, junk closets and book shelves in every room. Horrors, every drawer is a junk drawer! But most eye opening is the mess in which I find my computer files. Sigh. I, who was so organized at my work that I could find the answer to almost any question from my online or hard filed documents in a short search, have realized that I’m a packrat.
A packrat that goes beyond thousands of files, and a hundred plus backup disks, to include boxes of photographs, tidbits of travel mementos, half completed sewing, knitting, crocheting, quilting, scrapbook, movie development, photo restoration, language lessons, family stories, documentation, and sourcing projects. The list unfolds and exposes my bones; the bones which make me, me. All of the wonder I find in the world, in creativity, the links to my past, the hope I have in the future are in these boxes, shelves and files.
After the initial shock of opening these filled assorted containers I realized that they are not projects half-done, a tip of my hat to procrastination left to wither in the dark, but ideas and dreams which have been waiting for the right time and the right place to be brought into the light and finished. I now see these waiting activities, stories, and work as the muscles and skin of my bones so that at the end of all things I am complete. That I will learn what needs to be learned, see what I must see and be at the end what I promised I would be. These ideas, projects, and dreams yet to be fulfilled all say there is more; to see, to hear, to feel and to do. I feel to share the light and wonder of life, of love and hope, and to offer views of what can be to eyes, ears and hearts who may never have seen, heard or believed that everything is possible. “You can do this”, “Isn’t life this grand”, and more important than anything else, “You are loved more than you can possibly imagine”.